Memories Frozen In Time

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My father…
a stroke…
died suddenly when I was eight years old…
alone with him as he fell to the floor…
never regaining consciousness…
I never got to say good bye

Both of my maternal grandparents…
the only ones I ever knew…
died when I was twelve years old…

My uncle…
my father’s brother…
the first time I saw him was at his funeral…
I remember the fear and memories he brought back…
he looked just like my father…

Matthew…
my first born…
full-term…
died seven hours after birth…
a hole in his lung and an undeveloped heart…
my hands touched him briefly…
but my arms never held him close…

Laura…
my precious little girl…
full-term…
died during labor on the way to the hospital…
they placed her lifeless body in my arms…
I held her only briefly…

My mother…
cancer…
she was supposed to come to our home for Christmas…
but it never happened…
her loss has left such an emptiness…

My sister…
lost the fight for her life…
her prints left on the hearts…
of her children…
and all who loved her…

My brother…
he only survived…
for a few months after his diagnosis…
my heart also aches…
for his four children, his grandchildren…
and for his wife…

My last child…
our hope…
our joy…
ended in a miscarriage…
My arms are empty, my heart filled with pain…

Each memory…
like a photograph…
is framed securely…
in my mind…
and in my heart…

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9 thoughts on “Memories Frozen In Time

  1. Darling, don’t be saddened by what life offers to you. Take it and appreciate it. Every precious lost is a lesson learnt. Every sadness gained is an ongoing happiness earned. Please know that. And I sincerely wish you the best in your endeavours… Don’t ever be tied down by the darkness of your past or your present. Be lifted by the light in the future. As long as you’re breathing, miracles do happen

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    1. Wow! And your words were so touching and true! I have not fully comprehended them, I don’t think I even faced the gravity or number before writing this. And yet, it is and has been my life. I think if I wasn’t able to write, I would implode. Thank you for your kind words. It all really hit me in the face and heart just reading it myself. It is amazing that I have been walking around with the weight of all of this for so long without grieving each one. They have become one big heaping pile of pain and sorrow. Thank you for seeing it and acknowledging how real it all is! Thank you for touching the sacredness of my sorrow!

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        1. You have no idea how much your kind words mean. There is so much unkindness attached to the pain. The kindness from you and others today has allowed me to touch some of that sorrow with your tender words. Thank you! You have already done so much more than you know.

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        2. Yes, I do believe it will. It is not like I live in this pain all the time. But, it is times like this the rawness of it hits me. I do know that I am strong, I have had to be. Again, thank you!

          Liked by 1 person

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