Without You!

image

they are gone

memories
from a life unlived

a stolen past
now lost

the whole
of what they took
were always
only fragments
compartmentalized

insignificant pieces
to everyone

in my story
it was finally
complete

my innocense
my childhood
my youth
they ripped
them all away

The memories that
would have been

I held on tight
all these years
hoping, believing,
thinking
that somehow
I could get you back

I now know
I face the fact
that you are gone forever
I can’t get you back

I need to let you go
all the could have beens
the would have beens
the should have beens
of all the lost years
now all casualties
of their cruelty

and with you goes
the once in a lifetime
kind of dreams

I cry for you
I do

I will build new ones
I know that is true
but today
today
I remember you

how do you miss
what you never knew
I don’t know
but I do
I miss you

I cry
for all the things
I know I lost
and for all the things
I will never know I lost

all the memories
of years gone by
the life that never lived
I grieve for you
you deserved
so much more
but there is no going back

I will make
new memories
I know I will
today I grieve
the memories
I never knew

I grieve
for all the yesterdays
that for us
have never been

they were mine to live
to dream and to create
but the yesterdays are gone
it is too late

I cry for you
but I let you go

I need somehow
to make room
for all of my tomorrows
I need to do something
with all of my sorrows

Please,
I ask of you
don’t trivialize the aftermath
the pain and sorrow
that I feel

I heard those things
all my life
with each new loss
and with each invasion
of my soul

“Stop crying”
they would say
“you are still young
you can have another child…”
and on
and on
and on it went
“move on”
“get over it”

I will deal with the loss
I will
but please
don’t deny me
of this too
the process of grief and sorrow

you don’t get
to take that too

It has been
such a heavy burden
to never
ever let it out
you can deny my loss
the taking of my life

but please, please stop
denying this pain I feel
it is alive and it is real
and it is
mine to feel

I will not
burden you

I will live my life
I will
I will move on
I know I will

I have my pen
my faithful sword
to dig my way out
I did not have that before

but today
today
I grieve
for all of you

I will do you proud
I will
I will honor you

I will try
not to miss
any opportunity
to laugh or smile
or to live life
to the fullest
you deserve
at least
all of my tomorrows

but today
today
I cry for you

I will live my life
I will
for now I know
I must live
all of those tomorrows
without you!

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