Irreparable Damage

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– Alone –

Walking on a sandy beach
long and narrow
like a one lane dirt road
the burning sand
beneath my feet

Far outstretched
as far as the eye can see
on my right and on my left
the vast oceans
surround me

On either side
the waves come into shore
between two oceans

– trapped –

When the tides come in
i’ll be swept to sea
by these two vast oceans
on either side of me

It doesn’t matter which way i choose
there’s a force all around
no escape
it over powers me

The irreparable damage done to me
so long ago
still remains with me

A little girl lost in time
he took my life way back when

This outward body
unable to die…

The inward person
never knowing how to live
sentenced to death in prison
in this outward cell
an island in which I live

Masking the pain
deep scars
within

Like being killed
but unable to die
being forced to live
yet not alive

There is no way to undo
all that he has done to me

There is no life in the world
for me
always…
only
an observer
painfully

Loving me…
not a possibility

Protecting everyone
from the shame
humiliation

– me –

Is death the only way
to find life for me

Don’t you understand
can’t you see
these two powerful forces
on either side of me
they will never let me be

i’m damaged goods
there is no hope
he took my chance for life
away from me
no one is able
to give it back to me

The pain and anguish
is inside of me

My tears
fill two oceans
and still no one sees

– Alone –

Constantly fighting
relentlessly
these powerful forces
deep inside of me

Two vast oceans
closing in
swiftly
by this pain and fear
erasing
every part of me

If death is the absence of life
i’ve been dead for a very long time
inwardly
yet forced to live
this cruel game

Remaining

– ALONE –

on this sandy beach
long and narrow
feeling the burning sand
one last time
beneath my feet…

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5 thoughts on “Irreparable Damage

  1. Blue,

    Your poems are perfect to make the reader conceive your feelings and the power with which these emotions impact your life.

    I think such an approach also hosts a big chance for you to overcome a trauma that would otherwise remain untouched. I see your poems give your trauma a structure, a visual representation. And something that has a structure can be handled. You can get a hold on it, push it away, manipulate it and store it away in a place where it loses its power over you.

    As dark as your poems are, I view the as stepping stones in this hostile ocean that seems to surround you. With every poem and every writing you are generating another stepping stone …up to the point where you will see that you can safely cross the ocean … (a bit like Jesus walking on water).

    Jens

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for seeing all of this and being able to put it into words that help me and let me know you “get it.”

      My poems are a part of my story. They are the raw emotions and feelings behind all that happened to me. I often do not know what is going to come, or is coming out of this deep place inside of me when I write them. They speak to me too, they put words to it all, that could not be expressed any other way.

      The fact that I write them at all, and that I am able to post them is a sign in and of itself that I am moving forward. I am releasing them instead of holding on to them.

      Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

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