A Message From Blue’s Husband

This is Blue’s husband speaking today. Since Blue started this blog, I’ve been standing close enough to catch her if she falls, but far enough so she could do this on her own power.  I am writing today because someone is trying to knock her over, and I’m stepping in to catch her.

A couple of days ago, Blue published a post titled “These Are My Thoughts, These Are My Feelings, This Is My Blog.”  In this post, she called out the women who sexually exploit themselves, and then blame it on their own victimization.  Blue made the point that if someone is going to blame their self-exploitative behavior on the abuse they suffered, then the perpetrator who abused them could also make the same claim. They could say that they abused you, because they were abused in their past.  If we are to allow these excuses, we may as well do away with the criminal justice system.

Blue was making the point that we are all responsible for our actions, regardless of what has been done to us in the past.

I can tell you that very early in our relationship, Blue pointed out to me that my actions in this world were my responsibility, and not the inevitable result of my past.  So believe me when I tell you that I know how hard it is to hear this.  But I eventually accepted that responsibility.

In her post, Blue pointed out that someone had compared Blue being raped by a man as an adult to their own promiscuity as an adult.

Now, after Blue posted “Irreparable Damage,” a poem detailing the pain and turmoil she feels as a result of being abused, this same person came back and accused Blue of “choosing” those feelings. They tried to compare their behavior to Blue’s feelings.  I’m sorry but it doesn’t work that way.  Actions and feelings are two different things, and trying to make this comparison was a low blow.

You claim to know the pain of abuse.  You claim you have been abused.  And yet, you abuse.  What kind of person tries to further wound a person who shares your wounds?  Believe me, she’s been hurt enough.  I live with Blue, I’m the one who holds her when she is crying, I know the pain she lives with day in and day out.  And if you can do this, I have my doubts that you actually live with this same pain.

This attempted comparison did not get you off the hook.  But it did get you blocked from this blog.  Your comments will no longer be seen.  So please, do yourself a favor, and stop following this blog immediately.

Attacks such as this are not tolerated here. These are her thoughts, these are her feelings, this is her blog.  Don’t tarnish it.


8 thoughts on “A Message From Blue’s Husband

  1. To whoever is bullying Blue! (and this is my kind reply)

    If we are stripping down our existence to the basics, coming to the reason of what life is about, I only have one answer. It is LOVE. It is about loving yourself, giving love to and receiving love from others. In the end, that is the only thing that counts. It is the purpose of your existence, of why our soul has come to life.

    But there are prerequisites to experiencing love.

    First of all we should all become aware that we are all walking our own path in life. This (our) life belongs to our soul only. Nobody will be able to walk in our shoes for us, nor will we be able to walk in the shoes of others. No matter how hostile the environment, how big our own disabilities, we are left with a freedom of choice. And that is actually what defines us, our path and who we are. (No soldier at war, pulling the trigger of his gun, shooting another guy can place that blame on somebody else. It was his own decision, his path, his sole responsibility … not his country, not his society, not his boss, nor a religion, or the circumstance,… and nobody will ever be able to take this decision away from him. It is his responsibility!)

    This freedom is there. Accept it! You will never be able to get rid of walking your path until you take your last breath!

    So, now what? You have got your freedom and your soul yearning to experience love in this life. A lot of people misunderstand what love means. They think being loved IS love. And they often also think they can trick themselves into being loved. (like with having money, power, status symbols, physical attractiveness, fancy cloths, the “right” friends, offering sex, etc. just look at how advertisement and the industry is creating pseudo desires as a substitute for the real thing, which is love ) But they are wrong. Love is mostly about giving love not about taking it. And that is where you have to start working on yourself. Because in order to be able to really love somebody you have to to be able to love yourself first. And that is a hard and uncomfortable thing to do because you have got to face yourself and your own reality and your own freedom. If you have been abused, you can still accept yourself. You are not in charge for things that were not under your control, but you are in charge for those things that are under your control. And that is your path and not the path of the perpetrator. So, become aware of who you are, what is you and what is imposed on you. And then accept who you are, if you can! Embrace who you are! Respect yourself for who you are. Be proud of yourself! Love yourself! If you have been able to carry the light of love through a large phase of darkness in your life. That is absolutely amazing! Only if you love yourself, will you be able to love others. … and then you can only hope to get love in return.

    I think Blue has all reasons to be proud of herself. She kept the flame of love burning. She cherished it! Unfortunately this is her path, not yours. It is her light, not yours. If the only light you see in her presence is her’s, well then obviously you can only contribute darkness. Think of it!

    So if you search for some kind of light, start searching for it in yourself. It is the only thing that gives value to your soul, to your existence and meaning to your life. Forget comparing yourself with Blue. She has decided for a path with love in her heart. By bullying her you have been deciding for a path without it. But that is your choice, not the choice of Blue. You are alone with that choice. And now, explore the feelings that you have for Blue and somebody writing a positive reply here and for the post that Blue’s husband wrote. If they are negative and lack love, you own them and nobody cares.

    Take responsibility of your freedom and don’t blame the active, independent decisions as a free human being, that you are making right now, on anybody else. You are then simply deceiving yourself of truth and the chance to love yourself.


    “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”
    by Sigmund Freud

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And so heroes do abound! Light in the face of darkness you offer me and my followers here. A thank you is pale to what I feel in my heart for your words, your wisdom, and your support!

      How can I ever stay down with support and followers like you and others who have shared their kind words!

      This was a guest post in and of itself. And as you so graciously stated, and what this person missed in my words: was that they truly were a gift to them and I believe if accepted they could potentially regain many estranged people in their lives through this awareness. For people around us, those who know us best, often resent true victims when they do not take responsibility for their own actions. Especially when lamenting over the choices and harm that others did to them.

      My words, as your words here, truly were only meant as a gift, they were never meant to harm.

      Thank you so much for not just supporting me, but for also offering even more to them. And in so doing acknowledging my true intent.

      Your words and thoughts have so much meaning and I hope they help each person who reads them!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Way to give support Blue’s husband!! Those who found that post a hard read have simply not come as far as your wife and cannot yet take responsibility… I made badddd choices that I obviously would not have made had I not been struggling with the confusion of my past. But they were my choices. Bad ones. But mine. Your wife deserves to speak her own truth and if there are those who disagree they need not comment. No one who has overcome abuse should be knocked back down. Thanks for having her back!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Bethany. Way to go taking responsibility for your choices. I know it isn’t easy, been there done that. But it’s freeing too, is it not? Blue is always reading your posts to me, and telling me how much you mean to her. Thank you for your comment and thank you for having her back as well.
      – Blue’s Husband

      Liked by 1 person

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