Courage

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my courage
you are a faithful friend

I stare you in the face
I accept you
I own you

my courage
I am proud of you
you are the one
who helps me
make it through each day
to live
when I am dying inside

you hold me up
you help me face my fear
you walk with me hand in hand
through all my shame
and endless tears

you always knew
I could break free
from each and every one
who tried to break me

it was you
who helped me speak my truth
to not let my life
what happened
be denied

courage
it was you who knew
it would set me free
it was you who knew
my strength was a lie

it was you
who got me through college
even when I was terrified
you showed me there what I could do
it was there I found my inner voice
the power of the written word
from inside of me
I thought I was getting an education
but instead you handed me a pen
you showed me then
what would now be my way out
what would help me reclaim my life
and ultimately set me free
you never left my side

it was you
who gave me
what it took
to finally break free
from all of those
who were breaking me

and after that
against all odds
it was you
who walked me down the aisle
with all my trembling and fear
to believe in a love
that then I could not
fully see
it was you who knew
he was the one
who would love
and cherish me

you helped me
speak my truth
the biggest fear of all
you knew the weight
the crushing
it imparted to my soul

and now it is you
who walks with me
as I face the loss and sorrow
the anguish and the pain
from all the evil men
of my past
who beat and defiled me

It is you
who proclaimed
this is my life
and yes
these things
did happen to me

you have taken
what was fragmented
and brought it all together
as a whole

you knew I could not face
the reality of the complete
and painful truth
without a lot of you

I have finally come to trust in you
to see that you always had my back
you have been a faithful friend

the deceptive strength I prided in
had to go completely away
so I could trust completely in you

It is you
that never lets me
lose hope
or ever give up
it is you
who when no one else cares
still believes in me

I have finally
come to realize
just how much courage that it took
to make it this far

Courage
my courage
I stand
in awe of you

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12 thoughts on “Courage

    1. Thank you! I wrote this right after I wrote, “Damn You.” Which was about the deceit of my strength. I did not think this was any good at the time, but held on to it. My husband made me promise to never throw any of my writing away. It wasn’t until I came back to it and it brought me to tears that I realized what I had written.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Blue,

    Throughout all the abuse, the rejection, the isolation, the difficulties, danger and pain that you have been going through in your life, you have been able to maintain and cherish this spirit that allowed you to survive all this and that now enables you face all that happened with bravery. It seems that your courage is your faith in yourself, in life and in love.
    This quality of your mind and your soul that got you through incredibly hard times in your life has already begun to successively set you free. Form what I see in your blog, your self-healing process is irreversible.The demons of your past, that have been haunting you for so long will continuously lose their grip on you, the more you become aware of your own light. You have always been an amazingly strong woman but you might not have been aware of it. Your courage will get you where you want to be … no doubt!!!

    Jens

    Liked by 1 person

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