When Is It Okay Not To Be Okay?

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My life spent
in silence
crippled with fear
and sadness

All locked up
tight inside
a heart
without a voice

A lifetime
of weight
crushing my soul

Never able
to speak
my truth

Never able
to grieve
a loss

Never able
to express
the sorrow

When taken
and used
over and over
and over again

Like an object
a table
a chair
a bed

Retreating deeper
and deeper
instead

Three short months now
my voice set loose

For those who hear
those who care
who want the best
for me

I cannot
just be okay
for you

It is what
I have done
my whole life
for everyone

It is what
has crippled me

The being okay
kept me silent
without a voice

And now that
my soul speaks

I need for you
to understand
that what
I really need

Is for it
to be okay
that I am not okay

I need for you
to bear with me

This is a journey
not a sprint

It took
a lifetime
to get where I am

And I am doing
the best I can

Nothing about
my past, my life
has ever been okay

Now
now my voice
it grieves, it mourns,
it screams, it cries
it shouts

I am not okay!

But I need
for it to be okay
for me
not to be okay!

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7 thoughts on “When Is It Okay Not To Be Okay?

  1. Wow! I feel like your words could have been written about me, the same feeling of being crushed under a great weight both literally and metaphorically and also believing that I have to be ok all the time and that I can’t not be ok. I hear you and understand and yes it is your right to be “not ok’ for as long as you are not.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This is a hard thing to ask for or to say, because it was being okay for everyone else that kept me silent all these years. I was having a conversation with my husband about this and he suggested that I write about it.

      Liked by 1 person

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