If we find someone who is worthy of us, who is safe and really cares about us and is willing to go through this struggle with us, in order to not be alone, we need to risk letting them in. Letting someone into our life and to love us is something we have control over. We will struggle either way. Both options are painful. And I know how unbearably so. But being alone can never heal us.
Love is our only path out of the darkness. Love of ourselves and the love of others. We must love ourselves enough to risk letting others love us, no matter how painful or hard it is.
And there is no way out of the darkness without extending grace to them as they do toward us. They need our patience and understanding too. They deserve the best we have to offer. We need to remember that they enter our lives with their own past and with their own need to be loved too.
So when the time is right, and when love shows up, we need to also be someone with something to offer. We need to have some light and love in us to give. We need to also be kind and loving toward those willing to risk this journey with us. We need to be grateful for them and tell them so as often as we can. Our anger needs to be directed toward those who harmed us and made this so difficult, not toward those helping us.
I didn’t know any of this when my husband entered my life. I didn’t know who to be angry at. I didn’t even realize where all my fear came from. It made everything so much more difficult.
Even with knowing, the fear and pain are still here, but I can at least understand it now. I can talk about it and work hard to direct my anger toward those who caused it. And hopefully in doing so, lessen the pain for those offering me their love and friendship.
Anyone who is worthy and willing to love us and walk this journey with us, deserves at least our kindness and love in return.