Believing

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I believed they loved me
I thought they cared
but they sent me off
to a place of despair

*

I didn’t know
he didn’t know
I had a heart
and a soul

I didn’t know
he didn’t know
I was alive
and not dead

When he used me
and abused me
until my soul bled

*

I believed that you loved me
but you went away that day

You passed on
and left me
even though
I needed you to stay

*

After years and years
of being alive
yet dead

Life didn’t matter
it continued
to be cruel instead

*

I believed that you loved me
the day we said, “I do”

But I had no idea
you were a monster
and would try
to kill me too

*

I believed
you would help me
your faith in God
I thought was true

But you worked
for the devil
it was evident
by the time
you were through

*

You were the professional
supposed to know
just what to do

I believed
you would help me
I believed
your promises were true

But instead
you seduced me
and then raped me
and used me
until there was nothing
left of me but a thread

I believed
you were the one
who was going to help me
you were going to care

And make things right
for my life
that was already
filled with despair

*

Everything I believed
about each
and every one of you
was wrong

While everything
you believed
and taught me
about myself was true

I had no value
no one cared
I never mattered

There was nothing
left of me
by the time
you were done

For each
and every time
I was
the disposable one…

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7 thoughts on “Believing

  1. I makes me sad to read this … and only advice I can give is, never stop believing in good, in life, in yourself, in love … because you shall be loved and be taken care of … this is your purpose in life that needs to find fulfillment … and I cannot think of anybody who deserves this more than you.

    Those who carry no love in them, will never be able to experience its value. So don’t let those people determine your worth. This is a useless endeavor. What you have got to give is way beyond what these dark shadows are ever capable of percieving. Let those who see life as a chance to experience love and who commit to this journey be your guides to fulfillment. See their lights shining for you and let your’s shine for them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. All of this creates a deep sadness in me too. It is a wonder I can love at all! And yet that has remained the easiest part for me. It is believing that someone else could love me that is excruciating and difficult.

      “Letting other’s light shine for me and mine for them” is beautiful. And is the only hope I have.

      Thank you for your thoughtfulness, for caring, and for your support!

      Like

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