Unloving

image
before I knew
what love even was
you taught me
how to hate you

you taught me
how to hate myself
even more

you taught me
how to disappear

you taught me
how to fear

you taught me
why no one
would ever be there

it happened
without anyone noticing
without anyone
to see or to hear

*

I used to love you
but through your meanness
and anger
your rage and abuse

you taught my heart
to stop caring
when you tore it apart

*

I trusted you
but you only saw me
as prey

using God
for your evil
you seized the day

while I was hanging
only by threads

you tore my life
completely to shreds

*

there once was affection
it felt like a family

then all of you believed
the liar

you protected
the perpetrator

when my hope
was already dim

you taught me
to despise
you and him

***

I used to care about you
we bonded
and then
you planned your destruction
to destroy what little self-worth
there was left of me

you taught my heart
to loathe thee

***

they asked me to trust them
they said they would care
they promised to always be there

but one by one
they stripped
what little there was left
to take away of me

they taught me
how to stop caring

and one by one
my feelings
with them
to stop sharing

everyone
who should have loved me
and taught me
to love myself
to teach
what I was really worth

slowly but surely
the message was deep
I did not matter
I was not even
a thought

I was nothing more
than a thing

they pierced my soul
with a two-edged sword

the message was not
that I was lovable
that I had any value
or worth

instead the message
was loud and clear
they drilled it deep

it was the only truth
there was to see

they taught the lesson
of how
to unlove me

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12 thoughts on “Unloving

    1. Your words make me feel sad for you… I am sorry for your struggle! These are feelings you would not wish on anyone. Thank you for reading, for sharing yourself, and for your kind words. I hope you will find peace too!

      Like

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