It Is Hard To Believe…

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It is hard to believe
I deserve
love or kindness

When those
who broke me
just walked off
into the sunset
and left me in despair

It is hard to believe
I deserve
to be treated well

When those
who filled me with fear
didn’t even have a care
and I was left
with nobody there

It is hard to believe
I deserve
to speak my truth

When those
who were filled with lies
were believed
and accepted
without a doubt

It is hard to believe
I deserve
connection or affection

When those
who stole my dignity
and caused me
to lose it all
just returned home
to their friends and families

It is hard to believe
I deserve
to be happy

When those
who wounded my soul
who broke my spirit
rejoiced
in their quest to break me

It is hard to believe
I deserve
to be alive
to even stay

When those
who stripped away
my sense of self
had no consequences

In a world
that just looked
the other way!

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25 thoughts on “It Is Hard To Believe…

        1. Writing poetry feels safer for me for some reason, although it is not all I write. Maybe for me poetry is my training wheels! And yes it does help, I believe it has saved my life. I was and would be imploding without being able to write.

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        2. I don’t know about imploding but it sure gives me something to do besides just sitting inside my house and letting my wheels turn uncontrollably.
          What has helped me immensely is joining the sister (and brother) hood of betrayed spouses. There’s no way anybody else could understand the pain and sorrow, unless they had been there and been us. Even though some of us are still in a state of shock, and are grieving, there is a comfort in the great understanding and support we all get from each other.

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        3. When someone else has experienced what you have, there is an understanding without words that is powerful. Sometimes it feels as though we could be writing each other’s story! I am glad you have found this support. You deserve to be happy!

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        4. There are very few days when I feel like I can “survive” and then there are the other days. I am so tired of trying…it has been a life-long effort for me. I’m not at the true “giving up” point but it is a real struggle not to succumb to the “I don’t give a shit demon.” Sometimes, sweet surrender is just so appealing.

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        5. Sometimes writing is the only thing we have! We survive one day at a time. Thank you for sharing your struggle.

          I want you to know that it took me a long time to realize that no one can completely destroy you unless they take your kindness and goodness away. When I no longer recognized myself or liked who I was becoming, this realization came to me. I needed all the good parts of me back in order to begin loving myself. You may be no where close to this now, but keep it in your thoughts. We need to be able to love ourselves again, and that is hard if not impossible if we don’t hold on to our own goodness and kindness. Which is everything they were not to us.

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  1. So good, and sadly, so true. I went through a similar “phase” (for want of a better word) about a year ago – and it was devastating. It almost destroyed me. But so well written – you’ve articulated each feeling, each point, so well.
    And just so you know, you do deserve good things. And the right people will always listen, no matter what 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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