Adjusting To Unfamiliar Territory

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I have not been writing much lately. When I started my blog, I didn’t know what to expect. I had no idea what it would become.

I had no idea that my blog would be the beginning of living. Since starting my blog, I began to take a Spanish class, and then we bought bikes and have been discovering a lot of riding trails. These things may seem simple, but they have opened up so much inside of me that has been dead for a long time.

While all of this is good, very good, it is an adjustment. Sometimes it is overwhelming, in a wonderful way.

I haven’t been writing much, not because I don’t want to, but because it is taking a lot of energy to process my life and all that has transpired over a fairly short period of time. I don’t know that I ever learned to live life and experience moments of joy when they passed by.

Playing the drums opened up a part of me, or at least gave me access to a part of myself. Riding bikes and being outside in nature has allowed me to begin to dream again and feel alive and a part of this world. I can honestly say that for the first time, I am experiencing nature while being able to be present.

Before I have always been aware I should be feeling joy or pleasure, but instead I felt numb or sad. These are some of the experiences that used to make me feel keenly aware that something was wrong with me. But I had no recourse to fix it.

Most of what I am experiencing is new and wonderful. It is a transition that is taking me time to process and adjust to. And my Spanish class has consumed a lot of my effort and energy as well lately.

At the same time I am becoming aware of the contrast between my conscious and unconscious emotions. The emotions that are buried deep that probably hold the memories I don’t have access to. These are teachable moments. Sometimes frightening and sometimes bringing clarity to my fears. It is nice to have at least a mixture of joy and sorrow, instead of just sorrow in my life.

It is really wonderful being able to feel the joy of nature. And riding a bike in some ways makes me feel free. I find myself being sad when we need to stop and go home.

I have this feeling that I want to hold onto these moments. I find myself wanting to savor these moments that I have missed out on so often before in my life. Nature truly is a gift. And it is magical when we have the ability to receive it and take it in.

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11 thoughts on “Adjusting To Unfamiliar Territory

  1. I guess that is what it means to live the moment, to let things into your life the moment they happen, and to react to them “authentically” with an openness and a willingness to interact without bias and with a positive notion of self. I am glad your perception of life is changing in this direction.

    The ice that has kept you in place is melting.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Jens! For someone who doesn’t write, you certainly have a way with words my friend! 😉 And I appreciate you for sharing them. Yes, being frozen is often what I have felt like in life. There is a freedom with being able to feel, and experience, and move within the moments life offers us. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it is! I want you to know that I didn’t think I would ever feel this way. Life will take you by surprise. Just like everything that seemed dead comes alive in spring, that is the same thing that is always trying to happen inside of each of us. So for now, take these thoughts and savor them Laurel! You are not left out in life! Your time is coming, just keep holding on! You deserve life, and love, and joy! And I want to be the first to know when that happens! 🙂 I look forward to it for you! Never forget that YOU are special!

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