A Ripple Effect

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Our Garden

I stood beside our garden and thought about all the fears I had when we first moved into our home.

My husband and a friend have been encouraging me to start living my life again. First, my husband and I started riding bikes and then I took a Spanish class. Recently a friend started encouraging me to plant an “apple tree,” that is, to just plant something. It is a shame to have an acre of land and not enjoy it. All I had to do was mention this to my husband, and he was ready to start planting. He has been waiting a long time to garden again.

I wrote about my fears when we moved into our home in an earlier post, Layers. Even though I eventually overcame those fears and could go in my yard alone, up until now, I haven’t.

This past week we planted a small vegetable and herb garden, some hanging flower pots for the patio, and a few house plants. We also bought two composters to begin composting again. We had a wonderful time planning, buying, selecting, and planting.

While I held some seeds in my hands as my husband put them in the soil, I almost began to cry. I had this awareness that there never really was anything to be afraid of and yet my fears crippled me when we first moved into our home.

The last few days, I have spent time in the yard and on our patio alone. It is amazing how something so simple and wonderful could hold so much fear as well. Our real battles are inside of ourselves. It takes caring people to understand and grasp the power of our fears and to love us through them.

Whenever I was in nature throughout my life, I always had this underlying sadness as if something was missing and I couldn’t really experience the moments. These last few days, not only have I been outside in my garden and on my patio alone, but I am truly experiencing the moments. There is no longer a sadness in those moments or a feeling that something is missing. I can be alone with nature and feel peaceful and complete, as if everything in that moment is as it should be. And it is!

I never realized that I was what was missing. Not being able to be present was stealing moments that I can never get back. But I can have them now.

The first day I saw a hummingbird at one of the hanging flower pots and several yellow butterflies. And I heard lots and lots of birds chirping in the trees that line our property. Nothing was missing. Before I didn’t feel as though I belong here. Today nothing is missing because I am present and I do belong in these moments.

Alone in nature, in my own backyard, you can’t get much safer and peaceful than that when the fears are gone.

It was the experiences of these past two days that inspired the poem I wrote yesterday, Life Is Made Up Of Moments.

Abuse and loss had this ripple effect in my life. One led to the other and there was no time for my heart to keep up or to process them or to overcome.

Healing can be like this as well. It only takes something small, or someone special to start the ripple effect. One wonderful thing can also lead to another. 

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25 thoughts on “A Ripple Effect

  1. I am very happy for you! Nature, flowers, vegetables, herbs, watching them grow – what a wonderful experience. Then let us not forget, the bees, birds, butterflies and the other insects that we share space with. My heart smiles knowing you are feeling the ripple effect of being happy once again. 🙂

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    1. Thank you Terry! Yes, and also nature holds so much inspiration! It makes me wonder how we manage to write at all without it. It has inspired me at times in the past. And it is once again. I am living! And yes, it is a wonderful experience!

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    1. Thank you Joan! I have always hoped that life could bring joy to the same depths we can feel sorrow. I am on my way with joy being able to sit alongside sorrow. And I am able to feel more joy than sorrow. This indeed is progress! I hope you are having a wonderful day!

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  2. I’m happy to hear about what you are doing with your garden. Nature has it’s own way of healing us.I used to do the same but lately I’ve been too busy with writing but I see to it that I meditate in front of my windows where I can see the trees and feel the gentle wind. This everyday routine is giving me a wonderful feeling of being well the whole day. Enjoy your garden!

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    1. Yes it does! I can see how your routine can be very helpful. While I have to wait for the vegetables to grow, which will be wonderful to watch, especially the seeds, I am able to use the herbs now. And this is very rewarding. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and good wishes! I hope you are having a blessed day!

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      1. Thank you.I planted tomatoes before that almost supply the whole neighborhood! Later I planted moringga and now it is again supplying the whole neighborhood! And it just keep multiplying because every branches cut is being planted again.and it always put a smile on my heart every time neighbors asked for a few leaves they can use.

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  3. Did you plant an apple tree? I was told you need to plant two to cross pollinate. I planted two and it took a w years and I got an apple! Then a few years later the freeze got one and then never another Apple. I think Florida may just be too hot I want another fruit tree though. We have an acre too and it is just calling out for a fruit tree!

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    1. No I didn’t! I don’t think we can grow apples here. We did have some friut trees, plum and apricot, when we moved here, but no one cared for them before and we couldn’t save them. We do have eight pecan trees. We want to plant some fruit trees, maybe citrus. My “apple” tree ended up being a small vegetable and herb garden. As well as some hanging flower pots for our patio and a few house plants. The blossoms on fruit trees are so beautiful. So you really get multiple blessings from them!

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