We Are Never Quite Sure

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Do I not make you happy?

Does my pain make you sad?

Living with the effects of abuse is not easy to understand.

From the outside, it may appear as if it all would be fine for us if we just changed our thinking, opened our hands, and our hearts.

I think I speak for all victims when I say, this is our prayer for you:

“God grant you the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
courage to help us change the things we can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Maybe the only frame of reference you have is the loss of a house, a car, a material possession. Life goes on, you get over it or through it, or learn to live without it.

No one, unless they have been abused, understands what it is like to lose yourself. To die, and yet need to find a way to live. And to live needing to cope with a world that is difficult enough for all of you. But completely complicated at best for us, without the parts of ourselves that are equipped to do so.

Without others’ expectations, and we do feel them, we are already overburdened with the deep disappointment we have in ourselves for always falling short of our own expectations.

We know things should be different. We know we should think differently, feel differently and even react differently. We are already so very hard on ourselves. But we don’t have whatever it is that lets you see, and feel, and experience the world through what seems to us like rose colored glasses.

We know, that to you, we see everything from the darkness of our reality.

It makes us often feel as though we don’t have anything of value to contribute to this world or to you in our thoughts and opinions.

And yet, on the other hand, we feel we can see the world in a way that you cannot.

We know we need you! We just never are quite sure you are fully aware of how much you need us!

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13 thoughts on “We Are Never Quite Sure

    1. It is strange, to the world we appear weak. And in many ways we are. And yet it takes a tremendous amount of courage to face things that are simple and even enjoyable for others. I think a lot of my poetry is filled with your sentiments.

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