​Of This I Am Sure

You took something I can’t replace
you took something and I can’t go back

It is as if in your final act
I was completely erased
and something snapped inside of me

And now there is no redo

Pieces of me taken by each trusted hand
but you
you took too much
I was left with only a strand

To those all around
it is just a picture you see

But this I knew
it was the last parts of me I hold
and I am through

So no one can have this last piece
it is reserved
believe me

Please

If you want to know me
you will have to accept me as I am
in real time, in real life, just as I am
alive, and real, a human being

If you want to see me
I need you to look into my eyes
see me and know
that I do have a heart and a soul

You may want or need my picture
but I need you to want to see me…
a live human being
whose eyes blink
and when hurt, tears fall
whose heart beats
and can be broken
for all the bricks have crumbled
from my wall

I would rather you hold my heart
gently
than an object of me in your hands

And by the way
no picture could contain my soul
anyway

I don’t want anyone
to ever have another piece of me

This is all I have left
and no one can seem to respect this
and that is why I always flee

I fought and I fight
to hold onto what little is left

But no one can see
the anguish this creates
inside of me

I am not free if you can’t respect me

No! You cannot just take it or have it!

To you it is just one click
of a finger on a camera
an image
on a piece of paper that you hold
in your hand

To me it is the bitter end
of all I have left to fight for

When the click is heard
I lose myself one more time
I am no longer real

Because
of this I am sure
the moment I become a picture…
I become just an object once more

  

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8 thoughts on “​Of This I Am Sure

    1. Yes I did. It is interesting how we phrase it: You “take” a picture! You don’t get a picture, you don’t create a picture, you TAKE a picture. This is a switch that flipped inside of me. And has the feeling of something being taken from me, of me being taken as an object. In some ways it may not be rational. But on an emotional level it is powerful and deep. I want to be alive and real and not an object. Thank you Lyn for your comment and always understanding me! You are such a precious soul!

      Liked by 1 person

        1. And thank you Lyn for sharing this with me! It really means a lot. I do hope you are doing well. I was just preparing to get caught up on your blog. It is both sad and amazing how much we can relate to each others suffering. You are both a light and an inspiration to me! Hugs!!!

          Liked by 1 person

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