There is this recurring nightmare that has haunted me for years.
When I was a child, I would often dream that I could fly. I don’t think it was ever outside. I was always inside our home.
I remember flying down our flight of stairs. I would fly all around our home, hovering in the air close to the ceiling. I remember it feeling exhilarating and strange all at the same time. There were times when I would wake up and believe that I did indeed fly.
I also had another recurring dream when I was a child. I dreamed many, many times of falling and falling. In my dreams I would be endlessly falling into a bottomless dark hole.
This feeling was frightening and as though I was completely out of control. Nothing ever felt good about this recurring dream. I always woke up while I was still falling, never hitting bottom.
But the recurring nightmare that I still have to this day is of being chased. Someone is always after me. I am not sure when this one started. I am usually running to get away, often hiding and then running some more.
I do remember one time when I was having this nightmare where someone caught me and pulled me into a car and at some point I jumped out of the car and started running again. Sometimes in these nightmares I will open my mouth to scream, but no sound comes out.
I just had this nightmare again the other night. I was trying to get away, running and running. I managed to get outside onto an outdoor iron staircase. I pushed the door closed, my heart was beating fast. I stood their holding the door closed with all of my might while they were forcefully trying to push it open to get me.
I remember being surprised that I was holding it closed as long as I did. But I knew it was only a matter of time before they would be able to break through and get me. When I started to lose my strength and the door started to open, I woke up.
At this moment I could hear our garage door closing. My husband was just leaving for work. I was shaking and terrified. All of it seemed so real.
For some reason, this is the one that still keeps recurring. The people and circumstances change. But the chase, with someone wanting to catch me and hurt me never changes.
I don’t usually remember my dreams, but when I do, it is usually this nightmare that I remember the most. It is always an endless exhausting chase. Of trying to figure out how I can get away, the hiding, and constant running to try and keep myself safe. The nightmare of running and being terrified with someone always wanting to take my life.