​Does God Ever Give Up On Us?

I have felt like God has abandoned me many times in my life… for way too painstakingly long. To the point of enough already! No, way beyond enough already!

What I am about to share is not a judgment of anyone’s thoughts or feelings or experience. This is purely mine. This is my journey through this question and my own personal conclusions. Which may not and probably are not many of yours. And that is okay!

I have come to the point in my life on countless occasions of feeling, “Where is God, my God, where is He?”

I can tell you a few of these times: when I lost my father at eight years old; when my mother abandoned me after my father died; when my ex-husband who I thought was a loving person, ended up (even though he was a minister) being abusive and dangerous; when I lost my first full-term live birth baby boy; when I lost my mother; when I lost a second full-term baby girl during labor and delivery (this pushed me over the edge); when I began to face the sexual abuse that went on for years when I was a child; when I experienced the abuse and violation of my pastor and then the abandonment of my church; when I experienced the abuse of a therapist (who happened to be a minister too); when I had a miscarriage and lost a child with my husband (this peeled my fingers off the edge of the cliff I was already clinging to and sent me free falling)… and the rest I will not mention here.

Do I know what it feels like to be abandoned? Yes, by people and by God! I have lived way too long with way too much heartache and suffering, with nothing in life making sense, not people or God seeming to make any sense at all.

At some point I wondered if I could be missing something when looking at this unjust life.

Maybe God doesn’t “do” anything for us. He did give us a body and mind and heart. Maybe He is there to walk beside us through whatever it is we are going through. That doesn’t sound a lot like a “god” in the sense that we usually think of one. But maybe He has already done what He is going to do for us. Maybe life is more about finding out who we are.

Now, do I believe in miracles, yes. But nothing can quite be as miraculous as your child finally making it on their own and thriving without you hovering over their every move, controlling and directing their life. The happiest we could be as parents is for our children to thrive on their own, even through the hardships of life. And, if you think about it, what parent gives their children everything or does everything for them and then we view them as good parents? God is wiser than we are.

Maybe prayer and life isn’t so much about discovering who God is, but who we are at our core. We all believe because He doesn’t seem to answer our prayers the way we want or rescue us from evil that somehow He has abandoned us. When we give up and walk away, who gave up on who?

When I realized this and thought about it in this way, I knew I had to change the only person I could and that was myself and my thoughts about God. Maybe God doesn’t fit into our mold. And if He did, who would be God?

I got to a place, and returned there multiple times in my life, where I would say over and over again to God, “Even if you never help me, even if no on ever comes, even with losing everything I have, I will not give up on You. I will not stop believing in You!”

At the same time I would cry out to God and say, “I have no clue what it is that I need, but please don’t give up on me.” And believe me when I say I felt as though I spent a cruel and unusually long time living in the desert, in desolation. But I refused to give up on my faith and belief in God. This might all sound crazy and I am not anything or anyone special. This is because I knew for myself, in my core, that what I did in these moments said far more about who I am than who God is.

I knew that someday when I had to stand before Him, no matter what else happened in my life, at least He couldn’t say that I gave up on Him. This meant something to me. It said something about me. It made me feel that I had at least done my part even if others or God did not do theirs.

What I am trying to say is, without this tenacity, when good came to me I would have ran away and never looked back. I would have never risked anything. While I felt everything else had been taken away from me, this, my faith, no one could take that. If they had, this is when I felt as though I would have truly lost. Maybe this was a way of feeling on some level as though I won against all odds and against evil. This is something not even God could do for me. And maybe that is the point.

They could all snicker and celebrate taking everything away from me. But they didn’t take my faith. Being loyal to my faith was a way of letting light and love remain in my heart in the midst of darkness. I kept love and light without having any understanding or comprehension of the evil in this world or God’s reaction to it.

My belief and experience is, that no matter what we “see” outwardly in this world, God never gives up on us. It is us who give up on Him. The good news is that He can handle the rejection, I am just not so sure we can! I know I couldn’t!

All of this didn’t change God, but it did change me! And in the end, isn’t that what needed to happen anyway?

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47 thoughts on “​Does God Ever Give Up On Us?

  1. This is amazing blue and really makes me think! I love how you explain your thoughts and especially the part about being a parent! I had never thought of it that way before! Yes we want our children to be able to be independent and that is a great joy and a relief to see them do well! Very interesting and thought provoking thoughts for me! xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Lyn! My thoughts regarding parents and children was an analogy of how I see God as our heavenly father interacting with us. We want Him to fix everything for us as if to prove He is God. When He is looking at us while we are struggling and saying, “Come on, YOU can do this… I know YOU can!”

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Faith is one big resource to hold on to – and holding on to it becomes all the more when one is broken because precisely at this point of time one is extremely vulnerable to fall for evil. Though, being human, we tumble through good and bad, it’s the “faith” which rescues one.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Blue, you have a good approach to life and to God. (Independent of what what, who or how God is)

    “Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.”
    By Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

    Jens

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Jens! This is a beautiful quote by Brené Brown. I believe I heard her say this, but never took it in until now! And she is right, faith is all about vulnerability in the midst of uncertainty. We seem to all want certainty and yet anyone who loves us has to trust in the uncertainty of our presence in their lives. There is no escaping this in life! Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. After all you have endured, to still have that unshakable faith is nothing short of remarkable. I used to have that kind of faith,
    I think you know how I feel. I’m a little pissed at Him but I still believe. I have come to the conclusion that others need His help more than I do….so maybe, I have been a little unjust in my thinking. Sometimes, the good of the many outweigh the good of the few….or the one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Victo! Yes, I am sure just even in your line of work, you are forced to come to grips with such things! Not to mention then living and facing your own life’s struggles. I see this tenacity in you in your work and life through your blog posts!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. So many people believe, for some reason, that their God will intervene and resolve everything. They are however overlooking our given freedom to plot our own future and, if we suffer as result of circumstances beyond our control or through bad decisions on our part, then our core belief will hopefully surface and we will realize that our experiences give us so much more to offer others. The often quoted statement “What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger” doesn’t have any scriptural origins, but there is a certain amount of basic truth to it! The question becomes, do we use that new found strength, or do we wallow in the perceived abandonment by God?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I too believe that God never gives up on us. i have had to separate religion – and reject it – from God in order to believe that for religion threatens and does reject people. Once I had done that it was God’s love was clear. This is a huge conversation and I realized it is far more than a comment so I’ll leave it at that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Paul! I do believe your comment reflects so many people’s conclusion! Yes this is a big topic! And you are right, God’s love is clear when you separate man’s fabrication of Him!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I saw where someone commented that after all you have been through you still have this unshakable faith. I know my belief in God is not shaken, I KNOW God but my trust of Him has taken a huge hit now that I am dealing with the memories that I have. I know I am not in control of my life and it doesn’t look like God is in control of this life on earth (I mean, if He is in control, then why would He allow rape, childhood severe mental illness, kidnappings and tortures?) So if He isn’t in control then what is my belief about God now?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have been through something that would shake anyone’s faith. And God can handle your honesty! And so can I and I thank you so much for being authentic and real with your comment.

      You are not alone in wrestling with these thoughts and feelings about God. Believe me I have been very angry at God and even afraid of Him because of what happened to me and for the very reasons you mentioned. I think your feelings are understandable and valid.

      A few reasons I think we struggle so much are: because I think God has been falsely represented to us (some innocently and some not); and because sometimes those who are doing the abusing are pastors and leaders of churches; also I think our culture has a great deal to do with our misconceptions of God for example: we are being fed lies about life itself by the media and the leaders of our countries that we can do whatever we want, take whatever we want with no one telling us what to do or pushing their morals on us. And while all of this is true, the deception comes in that it all kind of implies there also are no cosequences for these behaviors and choices (something I really want to write about). Not only is there no compassion or superiority in this way of thinking, but there is another interesting dilemma. With this thinking of doing whatever we want with no one telling us what to do, when the consequences come this is where we all lose it with our concept of God.

      We don’t want to be told what to do, we want to do whatever we want, and when things fall apart, we expect God to clean up after us as though, now if He doesn’t, everything is His fault. God doesn’t have the immaturity of thinking that we have.

      Now, I.know that what happened to us was horrific and not our fault. What happened to us is the cosequences of others choices and behavior. And this is the other hard truth to the consequences side of life, others often suffer for our behavior and choices.

      God is not a genie and if He did our bidding and calling, we would be ruling Him and be would be god. What we are experiencing and seeing in the world is a result of our denial as a people of the consequences of our actions, both singularly and collectively. It is in the end when man screws everything up, God is our scapegoat. We are all so afraid of values and morals and this is the end result. When everyone does whatever they want with no accountability this is what we are left with.

      I am VERY passionate about this topic. Not with a judging heart, but one that weeps with compassion for how much we have lost our way as humans. Make no mistake about it, if we are honest with ourselves the suffering in this world is a human issue not a God issue. We want freedom, well God gave us free will and as a society the real tragedy is that we are willing to even look the other way when our children are being sexually terrorized. And not only that, we don’t help them heal.

      Personally, I am angry at the selfish men and women who do these things and also angry at those who, for whatever reason, do nothing.

      This would be like your neighbor robbing a bank and all of society being angry at you because he did this.

      And if you don’t agree with anything I said here, I get that too. Your feelings are more than understandable either way.

      I do have compassion for your struggle and for what was done to you. And I am deeply sorry for all of it. But I want my anger put where it belongs and where the real change needs to happen. Again, thank you so much for your honesty!

      Like

    2. There is one thing I do want to clarify in my first response to you. While others do often suffer the consequences of our actions, I meant to say something different here to you. We are suffering the consequences for the actions of others. There is nothing fair or just about that.

      Also, I want you to know that I have struggled for many years with these same issues you address. And I did not like the conclusions I came to one bit. But over time, they did help me to see God differently and see His wisdom. And I did see where I spent a great deal of time being angry at Him because society has chosen to ignore His advice. He really has tried to help us.

      You are on your own path and your conclusions may be different than mine. I shared with you mine with some hope that they would be helpful to you.

      For many years the things people would say about God would make me angry. I don’t want to be one of those people to you! So wherever you are on your journey I can accept that. And please know that there is nothing wrong with you struggling with these issues.

      Like

  7. A beautiful post dear, one in which every word had my attention. I appreciate you sharing this today, as the struggles in my life today are creating questions in my mind about faith, god and all that is related. I appreciate you and your friendship and your honesty. Thank you again for sharing this today.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Terry, your comment touched me deeply… emotionally so! And I too am glad you stopped by. The struggles of life really do put us to the test. And you my friend have already passed so many. This one that you face now is a huge one and I hope this did help you. It warms my heart that this meant something to you! You, my friend, are precious! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I waited on purpose to respond to your response; as I needed time to think about this post and the impact it had on me. I am fortunate to have friends such as yourself here on WP. You are a great help to me, I appreciate you. Please stop by tomorrow (Tuesday) and read my post, it is in response to the impact of your lovely post here. Thank you again for sharing this. Have a happy day my friend! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Stuff happens in all lives. Have I ever fired God, yes? As the years have passed,
    I have come to believe, that I was never alone. Even in my worst time,
    there was a presence. He knew my pain, held me silently, never wishing
    any terrible thing to happen to anyone. Is life all wonderful now? No,
    but I know I am not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. What a haunting post. First, your writing style draws me in and your astounding candor doesn’t let go. Not all, but some of our stories parallel so closely I’m stunned, most notably your conclusion. Life takes a good turn when we accept that we ourselves must change. God has indeed blessed you in most mysterious ways.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What can I say… first where my writing stems from is bitter sweet. I am sorry to hear that you share any of my past. I am happy you were able to come to this conclusion too. As you said, it does make our paths easier to face where God is concerned. And yes, it lets us deal more honestly with ourselves. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This piece has me writhing and squirming and shaking my head and nodding vehemently as I simultaneously absorb your experience and your approach to God, the questioning of Faith and your reconciliation. This is not the place for me to share my views, they are irrelevant – what is relevant is the fact that you achieve a remarkably calming effect on a churned up reader and I thank you and Terry Spearfruit for the opportunity to read such evocative, slightly provocative words

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment was probably as moving to me as my post was to you! Your kindness and thoughtfulness are very much appreciated. I hope you are very much aware that none of these conclusions came easy or did I necessarily like them. It is very difficult for me to write and share my thoughts. Your comment is inspiring to me. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I have this post saved and flagged in my inbox. I “liked” it the first time I read it. Because it’s me and also more of me I want to achieve. I come back to this when I need redirection. God is using you Blue. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am touched beyond words for several reasons. The first being that it is frightening to be this vulnerable in my writing. And, well… it is just scary!!! Please know that today God used you! Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I can understand your feelings. I think as humans we forget that we are God’s voice and hands. He gave us the capacity to love. Unfortunately too often others fail us. Sometimes because they are broken too. And sometimes because they are evil, have their own agenda, or are just careless. This is a very good reason why as a society we cannot afford to look the other way when it comes to abuse.

      I don’t know if this will mean anything to you or not, but at one point (now as an adult) while I was lamenting that others weren’t there for me, I realized the real tragedy is that I could never be there for myself.

      These are all difficult and legitimate questions you ask. I don’t fully know the answers.

      I am so sorry that you have been harmed! Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

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