Torment

I lost my voice
my creativity
anger has replaced the peace
I used to be able to access
inside of me

I lost my footing
ungrounded
silenced
withdrawing from myself

Is it too much to ask
for kindness and compassion?

My life got shaken
emotional and physical triggers
left me spiraling
paralyzed

What the hell is wrong with me?

Nightmares followed
revealing things too painful
to face in the daylight
of my waking hours

Left searching for someone
to know and see
the anguish left helpless
crying out
from inside of me

Once again vulnerable
going out on a limb
revealing these secrets
facing a lifetime of pain and loss
all at once
as a whole

I need clarity
and peace
and from this struggle
a release!

Exhaustion has overtaken
my mind silenced and numb

Sleep
I need sleep!

Is it too much to ask
for a reprieve?

Please let there be peace
when my head touches my pillow
when my eyes finally close tonight

Please let there be relief
from these tormenting voices
because now I am left
with very difficult choices!

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “Torment

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I spent many years not sleeping because of anxiety and fear. After relentlessly trying everything natural I read about, I have had periods of time being able to sleep. The nightmares are fairly new. So my heart goes out to you. Especially since I don’t know how you can stop nightmares. You must be exhausted. Not sleeping effects every part of your life.

      Like

  1. Ugh. I’ve experienced this. Just when things started to settle down for me, it ramped up again triggered by something upsetting. More new memories are coming for me recently and nightmares are happening as well. This is not easy. It is exhausting. It is confusing. It is scary sometimes too. I wonder what is wrong with me all the time. Am I mentally ill? Well, yes, I guess…my emotions are sick. I’ve been told I have PTSD. These are hard things to absorb and come to terms with. One day at a time. Right? There is nothing wrong with you. I think this is pretty normal as we work these things out of our system and face them so we can heal and be free. We have to do the work. The labor pains that lead to a beautiful new beginning. That’s what I try to tell myself at least. Being vulnerable is so frightening to me. It seems every time I allow myself to go to that place, I get hurt. But I know I have to keep trying. My tendency is to stay numb and shove it away out of self protection. To ignore what is trying to come out. But I think sometimes I get to a place where my body literally cannot hide these things any longer so they push their way out in any way they can. My mind races sometimes and it makes it difficult to sleep, settle down, and just be. I hope you can find a place of safety to work these things out and bring relief to the chaos. I’m so sorry you are feeling this way right now. I’m praying for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It has been very stressful these past few weeks. I too tend to pull away into myself. Sometimes nothing and no one feels safe. I am so sorry you are struggling so. You are absolutely correct that you must keep trying to stay open for connection in your life. I have just recently realized how easy it is to keep thinking there is something wrong with us (it is our default) when someone turns out to be untrustworthy. When it was the other person who was unworthy of us… I know… a foreign concept! Instead we should rejoice that our gut instincts work in those moments. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your support!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s