I can see now looking logically at all that happened with Lucy, that I should have been able to recognize and acknowledge it all quicker. And either say something or just leave sooner and never go back. Maybe that is what any “normal” person would have done.
It has not been easy to see or experience this struggle in myself again. It brings up all the times I couldn’t speak up for myself. And makes me realize how much further I need to go.
I have said to my husband, “Maybe I am not fit for therapy. Maybe their should be some pre-therapy that helps people to first be trained in how to keep themselves safe.” At the very least a pre-therapy organization where you can go to ask questions and address concerns. Something that would make therapists accountable. An organization not associated with the licensing of therapists. A place where there is not a conflict of interest. Existing solely for the purpose of helping people navigate the therapy experience.
So much of the systems that are set up disguised to help people, are really there to keep it all internal and to protect institutions. Like a Human Resources Department at work. They are not there for you, but to protect your company.
While a part of me does feel stupid, I must say, not being able to speak up for myself is one of the reasons I was seeing her in the first place!