Logic Does NOT Apply

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During an emotional and physical trigger there is absolutely no logic whatsoever in what we are experiencing. There is no logic in our thoughts, our feelings, or our words. This is a huge reason why these experiences are so terribly painful. There is no way to change this because we have no control over it. They come at unexpected times and places.

Men are very logical in their thinking. But trying to use logic to help us does NOT make anything better. It only prolongs and deepens the pain we are feeling.

My husband is aware about half of the time when these triggers happen to me. It all depends on what the triggers are and my reactions to them. He is used to dealing with the logical side of me during conversations, for the most part. In other words, he knows that I do have the ability to reason and that I have the ability to be logical. So during the other 50% of the time, it is much harder for him to realize what is going on until it is too late. And I am not able to stop and say, “I am not logical right now, I am overwhelmed and spiraling.”

I think he gets confused and probably thinks in his head, “Okay, where is my wife and what have you done to her!” But I cannot help him figure it out in these moments because I don’t know what is going on either.

Yesterday, I had a very bad triggering experience that neither of us handled well. We eventually figured out what was happening, but not before hurting each other unintentionally. Fortunately, we were able to work this out afterward. We also realized that I have been struggling excessively lately and these have been happening on a daily basis for sometime now.

While these are excruciating to experience, it is also an extremely stressful situation for those who love us and live through this with us. They are true heroes. And we as victims need to make sure we take time to be kind to them and be aware of how wonderful they are. I don’t know where we would be without them! No one knows or sees what this is like in the way that they do. This is not just a theory or a concept to them, they do live it with us. And they really need to be commended and honored. It is a very painful walk for them as well.

I have been suffering with panic and these triggers since before I met my husband. But I didn’t know what was happening to me or have a name for it. I just didn’t know what was wrong with me. And because I was raped by a therapist, I didn’t see therapy as an option for me and I have just been struggling on my own without professional help. I can see now how much harm this has brought to me and my husband.

For many years, instead of me finding comfort in the midst of these, we would fight and I would be traumatized further. I didn’t know, so how could he? I just blamed myself for what was happening to me and thought, “If I could just be stronger and not feel so much, things could be different.” This caused us to even separate for a year early on in our marriage. And then left us in a sexless marriage for many, many years. We were loving toward each other and I knew that he loved me, logically in my head. But these experiences traumatized me so much that I could not feel his love for me.

This has all made me wonder how many countless women out there who have been abused are suffering like I have without help and without even knowing what is happening to them or why? How many women have lost there marriages and relationships over this unnecessarily because so many of us struggle alone without professional help? Many of us are traumatized and don’t even know it. We just become harder and harder on ourselves to try and conquer the impossible. It is like fighting a losing battle.

This has all happened to me and countless others because abuse is traumatizing. It can go on for so long that it becomes a way of life and becomes normalized for us. I didn’t know any different. It is still hard for me to actualize or take in the concept of my own trauma. It was a way of life. To see it in its real context is foreign.

There is no logic in being abused, there is no logic in experiencing trauma. There is no logic that exists in these traumatic experiences that go on and on and on while our minds, bodies, and emotions try to make sense out of something that makes no sense at all. And there is absolutely no logic that will soothe or help someone experiencing a trigger or panic attack.

Love isn’t logical, but we love anyway. Our reactions to triggers don’t make any sense to others observing them, and they don’t make sense to us either. That is why these experiences are so frightening and overwhelming. How we react may not make any sense, but we need someone to help us anyway. But just know that logic does NOT apply!

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16 thoughts on “Logic Does NOT Apply

  1. Great post. You’re absolutely right… logic does not work during a panic attack. When I used to have them, I knew that logically I shouldn’t be panicking. But that didn’t mean I could simply stop it. It doesn’t work that way. And I’m sure is very difficult to understand if you’ve never had a panic attack before.

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    1. Yes, and it is very difficult for those who love us and try to help. When someone knows we are a logical person and then experiences this with us, it is confusing for them too. I am truly sorry that you have suffered so. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, and I’m sorry you have struggled too. I’m grateful that I rarely have panic attacks anymore. My daughter also had them, her symptoms started when she was 10. Now she’s 21 and panic free. There is hope! Take care, Jenny

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Being in public is the hardest time to deal with triggers and panic. That probably plays a huge part in why we often just want to stay at home. Thank you for sharing your experience.

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  2. I was shocked to read about what that therapist did to you. I’m really sorry you’re suffering so much with all this trauma shit. It’s really crap. And I wouldn’t wish it on my biggest enemy. Sending you hugs.?😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It saddens me that you have been left with no support because of the actions of a therapist. It is one of the most trusted positions to be in and to abuse that is very damaging.
    I cling to the sofa when I get triggered like that, it feels safe. I have my laptop and I write or edit photos, just find ways to express the craziness I’m feeling until it passes.
    I’m sorry you go through that too.

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    1. It means a lot that you know how hard it is in the first place to trust someone in this way. I am still trying to find someone (I thought I had). I am meeting with someone new today… hoping it will work out. Maybe all of this is contributing to my heightened anxiety lately. Sometimes it is easy to wonder why we try at all! Thank you for all of your kind words!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are very welcome, I hope it works out for you. It takes a lot of courage to keep trying.
        Trusting someone new is quite terrifying and is going to take time. For me it is finding someone who can understand how scary it is to trust anyone and who can walk through all of those fears with you without blame or criticism.

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    1. I am glad this was helpful to you Lyn! Maybe because we know we are not being logical at these times is one of the reasons we are so hard on ourselves. And why our feelings and emotions are so scary for us. xx

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