There Are Times

falling-star

There are times
when I look up in the sky
where my dreams
got lost in a lullaby
every single time I made a wish
my dreams got stuck
on a falling star

There are times
I think about the sea
for I have always loved
the sound of running water
like waves crashing upon the shore
my memories got shaken out of me
they got tossed to and fro
caught on an anchor
that sank them deep
to the oceans floor

There are times
I think about all the lovely flowers
that longed to survive
the ones that hung on for dear life
in the fields
where they now are no more

I never climbed a tree or was carefree
my feet kept firmly planted on the ground
where my fears got attached
to the roots of every single tree
then pushed deeply into the earth’s core

I used to look into strangers eyes
to search for a reflection
of what could have possibly been me
but all I saw was the light
that went out from inside of me

I once had toys
but I think they were lonely
just like me

I went to school
nothing made sense
not math or history or biology
no subject could reach
or make sense
of the depth of pain
that crucified my memories

Where are you going?
Where have you been?
Were the questions asked

But it didn’t really matter
every road that I took
lead me straight back to his door

Each time I arrived
his face had changed
a new name he wore

The location was different
but each road traveled upon
was always the same

Where once inside those prison doors
chains were placed around my heart
locked up tight without a cell or bars

It was a dreamless place
of insanity

Can I help you?
Can I love you?
Can I strangle your last hope?
Can I leave you all alone
and make you choke?

There are times
when I think about these times
that never should have been
times that I have no way to measure
times that are now left
without beginning or end

There are times
when I wish I could ride upon a star

There are times
when I wish
I didn’t have to stay

There are times 
when I wish I could fly
and just ride on a star
through the milky way

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23 thoughts on “There Are Times

        1. I go through that too from time to time. But I must say, I do have a great deal of anxiety when I write prose. It comes from me easy enough, but I have such a fear of being misunderstood or hurt. Poetry somehow feels as though my pain can hide in it.

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        2. Oh there is no hiding for me . My poetry is like a painful raw emotion dump and it always comes after or near the end of a really emotional episode and usually in the wee hours of a long sleepless night. The only way to hide at that point is not write, or not publish!

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        3. Yes exactly! You may have misunderstood me. I feel as though no one can harm me or argue with poetry or will be unkind… I hope. Absolutely, as far as being a painfully emotional process. I don’t think I would grieve at all if it weren’t for my poetry. I am not hiding myself, I am hoping I am hiding from others cruelty. If this makes any sense. As I am very afraid of my own feelings and emotions. People don’t usually hurt you over a poem… not usually. But they seem to more with prose. And when I write prose, it is still very hard and painful to write. And I feel more vulnerable to others… like a kitten laying on their back exposing their weak spot, because of the things I mentioned. I am still trying to figure out why I feel the way I do. It is not like I don’t have these feelings sometimes with my poetry, just less often.

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        4. Yup misread it, thanks for straightening me out. I agree with the poetry. Myself I consider poetry to be so personal I could never attack someone for theirs. Mine is intensely personal but I don’t mind if someone sees something different in it. That’s kinda cool! And it would surprise me if my subconscious was trying to say something as well. Hey I ‘m gonna reblog something tonite I ‘m excited about that you might find interesting and helpful! 😃

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        1. I wonder if this is such a longing in us because we are so misunderstood here. And sometimes what we have gone through feels so alien to everyone else. It makes everything hurt so much more!

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        2. I believe abuse is a very isolating and alienating experience in so many ways, sometimes it would be nice to just lay all the struggles down and fly free for a while.
          It is very healing to come and find other people who can relate to your own struggles and feelings. I will look up at the stars and see us all playing there 🙂

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