Shame

shame-and-loss-of-self-esteem

Sorrow took over when anguish cried
fear just grew and grew inside

All that I loved died in the night
my hopes and dreams were out of sight

Nobody cared or noticed that I faded away
that I was filled with despair on that day

Whenever I cried, they would just stare
their cold hearts frozen
I couldn’t make them see or care

Stuffing the sorrow very deep
until my feelings were no more
everyone’s secrets I had to keep
piercing me to my core

How do you show
or share your sorrow
when nobody cares?

I was slipping away
into the darkness
alone and afraid
unloved

Eventually waving the white flag
surrendering to the pain and sorrow
anything to stop the tears that bled
I alone carried the nightmare and the horror
and the shame I could not shed

I gave up the fight
my heart collapsing
surrendering
my fists clenched tight
I had it
I was finally through
believe me
I did all that I could do

I drifted far away where lost dreams go
to places where cuts
and bruises cannot show
anything to stop the laughter at my hurts

Losses kept mounting high
pushing me over the edge
no one seemed to care
no matter how hard I’d try
I could not save myself
I plunged and fell into the despair

There was no more room for pain
it spilled over like rain
lost in a storm with no way out

I’ve tried for years and years
to get myself through
stuck in this darkness on my own
hiding in the light of day
but still nobody knew

It has become my way of life

They call it depression
instead of shame
it sounds so much better
not to call it by name

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11 thoughts on “Shame

    1. I think probably the “aloneness” is one of the most excruciating parts of suffering from abuse. Some things only another who experienced the same can really understand. At least the depths to which the pain goes. And this I know you understand too well. Sometimes we suffer so much for so long our whole life seems surreal. I am blessed now to have my husband. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are very welcome and I do understand and can relate a lot to what you have written. it is very hard to learn what normal is as an adult when your whole life has been full of abuse and neglect so that that becomes reality.
        I am glad for you that you have your husband 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. As an adult it is painful to find out how dysfunctional our normal has become. Love doesn’t solve our struggles, but we all need a safe place to fall. And I wish that for you! Thank you!!!

          Liked by 1 person

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