Crazy

No, I am not okay!

My heart breaks
it aches
sometimes I can’t catch my breath

Years of sexual abuse
I would have to be crazy

Too many losses
my father when I was a child
three babies
and on and on it goes
and yes
through the agony of every loss
the world was quiet
the silence was deafening
I would have to be crazy

Years of living with a psychopath
manipulation
gaslighting
conditioning
and fearing for my life
I would have to be crazy

Raped by a therapist
a sacrifice for hope
I would have to be crazy

Too much betrayal
by too many people
I loved and knew
I would have to be crazy

The burden so heavy
filled with shame and fear
all alone suffering
with no one there
I would have to be crazy

The pain so deep
I moved
to the other side of the country
leaving everything
and everyone
I loved and knew
just trying to find relief
but the pain
the pain
it just followed me there
I would have to be crazy

All of it heaped together
tangled and confused
unprocessed
ungrieved
unheard
and so misunderstood
I would have to be crazy

No, I am not okay!

I am human
I would have to be crazy
in order to be okay!

* * * * * * *

It’s Quiet Uptown by Kelly Clarkson

“…Look around, look around, have pity…”
There are so many of us living with the unimaginable!

 

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4 thoughts on “Crazy

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