Unfamiliar

calm-after-the-storm
I awake in the morning
peaceful and calm
it is strange
unfamiliar feelings

For years
not a day went by
without tears falling from my eyes
with a crushing sadness
this was all that I knew

Like the calm after a storm
in a pill it came to me
I didn’t ask for it
I didn’t want it
I didn’t even know
life could be any different

I am grateful that my heart
no longer aches and grieves
every second of every day

It is amazing
that something so small
can take sadness
and bring such calm

It didn’t take the pain away
or make me numb
it didn’t stop the triggers
the fear or panic
but it gave me a chance to breathe
to stop drowning
and come up for air

Being stuck and lost for so long
trying to get into a new routine
is proving more difficult
than I thought it would be

But I have a chance
to at least finally be free
from the constant
unending heartache
caused by all the things
that they did to me

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27 thoughts on “Unfamiliar

        1. I was the same way, so I do understand. I struggled and cried a lot over taking the medication. One morning I woke up and realized that I should be more concerned about living with all of the anxiety, stress, fear, and emotions. It doesn’t fix everything when you are dealing with trauma and Complex PTSD, but it gives you more times of peace rather than that only happening once in awhile. It can stop the 24/7 heart ache. It is a huge adjustment when you have suffered for so long it is all that you know. It won’t take the pain away or the struggle, but it will give you some needed rest and allow you to manage your grief better. I don’t regret taking it and wish I had taken it a long time ago. I can’t imagine going through therapy without it. I think we struggle a lot in the same way. It was very hard for me to even fully believe I had severe depression (because nothing that happened to me was ever real to anyone else). It was only after taking the medication (trusting my therapist and husband) that I am shocked at how much I was suffering, and for way too long. Going to the psychiatrist to get the medication has been the hardest for me. I hope this helps you. You deserve some relief too. And being a mother, this could really be a life saver for you in managing your life so you can work on healing. I hope this was helpful!

          Liked by 1 person

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