Alone

Alone

When the heart can’t find words to speak
it sings, it creates, it writes
it cries out on the page through poetry

Alone

When the heart breaks
it weeps with tears
that long to soften the blow

Fear longs to be soothed
to be wiped away

But the grip of pain chokes each memory
those remembered and those too painful
that they could not stay

It cripples every single forgotten memory

Alone

It is hard to sit with the pain
when everything in me longs to run

I spiral and don’t know why
I hide and withdraw into myself
afraid of my feelings
afraid of love

Alone

Sharing the pain leaves me with a fear
that shakes my physical body
crushes my emotions
and leaves me with a gripping fear
that danger is inevitable
and harm is about to come
again

How does a heart face
that although filled with love that overflowed
there was none to be found in a history
filled with painful memories
of loss and abandonment

Memories that control
my every response and reaction
that no one understands
not even me

Alone

How do you reach for the stars
when all you see is darkness
when there is no light

The sun forgot to shine
life’s storms over stayed their welcome
they invaded safety
crushed hope
delivered fear

Into the light came heartlessness

Alone

By the time peace came and was offered
when hands finally reached out
to touch this shattered life
and all the brokenness
the damage was already done

I learned to smile through the rubble
so no one will see
the pain and devastation
left inside of me

Alone

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22 thoughts on “Alone

  1. A very profound self insightful poetry with wonderful bittersweet images to the mind. You used these lines which are How do you reach for the stars
    when all you see is darkness
    when there is no light

    The stars do shine brightly against the dark. One can’t exist without the other. There is a balance there. I know what you are going through. Been there years ago for two years. Everything was bleak and I mean very bleak but with the support that I had I was able to see things differently. Feel yourself hugged.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words. I thought about that too regarding darkness and the stars… but the stars don’t exist when the darkness is inside you. Although it is something to think about. What is strange is that I have a wonderful compassionate therapist. It is when I feel the pain of my past, I am left with feelings of confusion, being alone, and fear that I will be harmed again. Hopefully going slowly and over time this will change. Thank you for sharing your experience. I appreciate your thoughtfulness!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It is when I feel the pain of my past, I am left with feelings of confusion, being alone, and fear that I will be harmed again. That is the process working. It is like labor pains. Not pleasant at first but when birth is given there is peace in the room. Darkness inside us is temporary. The stars are waiting to shine.

        Liked by 3 people

  2. This is beautifully written and also heartbreaking. I understand your fear and pain and agree thespiritkeeper, it is part of the process and means you are healing. You have to go through the darkness to get to the light. Your precious heart shines in your words and will attract peace and love. Sending you love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh how you have spoken my heart here. I have had an incredibly hard couple weeks processing with my therapist. It gets darker and darker as I go deeper and I feel all these things. The fear is piling on. I feel so much. At one point I even said to my therapist, “I can’t talk anymore, what if they find me??” The withdrawing and isolating and loneliness and confusion, it’s all there. But I think I agree with the comment above from thespiritkeeper. I think it is all part of the process and we have to go through it. I am going to try to write more about it tonight. It helps me sometimes to transfer it out of my head and into actual words. I have been thinking about you a lot the past couple weeks wondering how you are doing. I understand you and all you have beautifully expressed above in this poem. I hope you are ok.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am sorry you are struggling so much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I don’t know what has happened to me. Therapy makes me feel very vulnerable, and somehow my blog now feels too vulnerable. I wasn’t expecting these feelings. Therapy is very hard. It is a lot of hard work and very exhausting. Taking medication has been a long process of adjustment for me. I didn’t know what to expect… I didn’t know what normal was or would feel like. I am having to get acquainted with myself and experiencing life differently. I don’t regret taking it and see clearly now how much I needed to. But it isn’t something we wish for ourselves. I hope you are finding the help and support you need. I do think of you often. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and feelings!

      Like

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