Evidence Left Behind

You come from somewhere
always without warning
from deep inside of me

As you flow from my eyes
roll down my face
your wet salty moisture
against my skin

As I choke on the pain
that pours out of me
and fills me with fear
I don’t know when
or if you will ever end

I could just brush you away
denying the pain
the truth you hold

You are a part of the evidence
left behind
that can be seen
and felt by someone
anyone else

You carry all the past
that no one ever saw
or knows

When you come
I have no idea
where you have come from
or where you have been
where it is that you hide

I feel you
the endless pressure
the deep
deep anguish
like looking in a mirror
you reflect back
my own pain to me

All that I don’t want to see
everything that scares me
everything I hide
everything that keeps me bound
all those memories I cannot escape
all the things that have broken me

Are you weakness or strength?
Do you heal or do you break?

And when you’re through
and have had your say
when you go away and retreat
I cannot comprehend
where it is that you return to
where it is that you go

Every time I smile
every time I laugh
it is a miracle
that such sadness and sorrow
can sit side by side any joy at all

To know that I still carry
so much pain and sadness
and grief
somewhere hidden
deep inside of me
ready to fall
without warning
without a moments notice

I could keep brushing you away
like everyone has done to me
or I could
just let you fall as you may
sit with you quietly alone
like being in the midst
of a midnight storm
and feel each drop that pours
like falling rain from the sky
upon my face
rolling down against
my desperate skin

Just letting you be
and feel the weight
of all you carry from my broken
tormented past
from vile hands
from loss and betrayal
or I could do what everyone else
has done to me
I could just brush you away
denying the pain
and the agony you carry from inside of me

It is not clear
I don’t know whether to fear you
or to thank you …my tears!

Fix You by Coldplay

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17 thoughts on “Evidence Left Behind

  1. These words are so meaningful, and I could feel your pain and what you are going through. Blue, your writing though heartbreaking is beautiful, I hope that makes sense. I keep you in my thoughts and hope you and hubby are doing well these days.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Terry, your words do make sense. Writing is bittersweet sometimes… while the pain hurts, having a way to release it can keep you sane! I actually thought of you after I posted it and how you must feel with your emotions at times. Thank you!

      Like

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