I have been immersing myself in reading a lot of information regarding narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. I understand how my childhood and past abuse set me up for these people to be in my life. I don’t know if I have ever had a time throughout my past where I have not had such people in my life, up to and including the present. My story is not one of being affected by one of these individuals, but of a life that has been shaped by them.
I want it all to stop! I need to understand what it is about me and the conditioning of my life that has allowed these people to prey on everything that is good about me. I want it to stop. I NEED to understand myself and stop allowing my capacity for compassion and empathy to be used and abused by such people. I need to change a lifetime of conditioning, manipulation, gaslighting, and abuse and the ways they have affected me. I don’t want this to be my future. I have been filled with so much fear that I can’t trust people or life… not without a tremendous amount of fear, triggers, and turmoil.
I have no memory of huge parts of my life… the worst parts… which equals most of my life! I am living without integral parts of my memories. That might sound wonderful because they were obviously too painful to keep. However, I am not just talking about my childhood, but much of my adult life too. I live with the pain behind those lost memories, the triggers and fear and panic at times without anything to attach them to. Therefore, I have spent my life filled with humiliation and shame over the pain and feelings that linger inside of me. I live trying to appear as perfectly fine and composed as I can… I have lived feeling ALONE!
I came across Dr. George Simon. He has dedicated his life to this subject and helping those harmed by such individuals. He has several websites with endless short articles that are extremely helpful for anyone living and breathing. He has written several books, which are mentioned in the interview below.
In many ways, his work is a wake up call for us all! I wanted to share a glimpse of his work here. It is timely for each one of us as individuals and professionals alike.
Interview With Dr. George Simon –
On Disordered People Including Narcissists And Sociopaths:
(The following four videos are only around ten minutes each)
The following is a different interview presented in one video:
Understanding And Dealing With Manipulative People –
Dr. George Simon Interview